Pamela Grace

I’ve always loved the sentiment 
behind You get what you give.
Like there is this magical bean counter 
that keeps track of all the positivity
you pour into the world through your good 
deeds, or the love you heap on people 
even when you are afraid to trust. But in 
the reality of it — when you’ve stripped 
that romanticism from the saying, 
it’s just a lie you tell yourself 
over and over to validate all the kindness 
you keep giving even after being hurt.

There is no balance. People will not
repay your love and concern and kindness 
with more love and concern and kindness. 
There is no karma fairy making sure you do, 
in fact, get exactly what you have given.
There is no cosmic checks and balances
system for your heart.

You just love. You love because it’s in your
nature to do so. You love because
you desperately want that love in return. 
But other people don’t have your heart. 
They don’t have your desire. They don’t 
have your need to love. And no matter 
how many tears you shed or 
how many times you say, “next time,”
you still continue to pour yourself out 
for others — in spite of 
the nagging in your tired soul.

I’d like to say there is some tender moral
of the story, a theme that sheds some 
nugget of wholesome truth that restores your
belief in a better humanity, but the truth is
you will give bits of yourself away
and you’ll never get them back.

-pgh